If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
