You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
