u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
