hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
