I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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