I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
