I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He kissed a someone with a penis
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
