Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
