i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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