Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
