I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize