If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
