there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
i think i just lost a toe
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
