Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
