I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
