This is not my ceiling
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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