the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Holy shit dude........stairs
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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