Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
