ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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