so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
