Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
