also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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