At least make sure they are 18
Why
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
