I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
