I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
