you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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