Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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