M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
