Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
