went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
