Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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