spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
