after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
