Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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