I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
