I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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