i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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