Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
