No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
