Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
