You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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