you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
