Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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