I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
