thus making me awesome and them whores
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Is Oprah even human
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
