drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
