I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize