i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
