I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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