how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
