Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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