the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
