just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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