ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
