The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
