ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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