youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
