I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
