He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
