Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
