Banned from zoo.
Again?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
