READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
