guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
