I'm really into asian looking animals
Only a mothe r could love this liver
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
