hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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