He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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