letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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