i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
