Is it because I queefed?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
