Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
