I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize