I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
