Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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