that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
