Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
