So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
