we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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