I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
