Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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