...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
