It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
