a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
