fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
