Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
