come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize