he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
