I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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