Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize