the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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