I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
