as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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